I used my dildo for the first time in AGES. Accompanied by the rose suction, WOW πΉ Fireworks! π₯ But after that release- I immediately collapsed in a crying puddle on the floor. I couldnβt help but think of all the times I wanted to experience this with him and was too afraid to let myself. (Probably thought about it HUNDREDSβ¦thousands? of times π ) Abstinence has served me so well in most cases- this is the only time in my entire life I wished I HAD slept with someone. Wished I had let that person into every piece of my mind, soul and body. I remember when I flew out to see him- I had prepared myself for it. Even brought some cute outfits (pre only fans lingerie surplus β€οΈ) ππΌββοΈ But I wasnβt able to bring my guard down. I was so afraid of letting someone at his caliber in. On a bright side (because I refuse to see everything as a negative) Iβve already learned a fuck ton from this. Itβs overwhelming now- but will serve me so well moving forward.